Recently, I’ve been feeling a deep need to surrender. I’ve had a lot on my mind and it’s tempting to just do things the way I think they should be done. But I have so deeply desired to just give up and let God have control.

Friday night, I believe it was, they did a skit at the youth meeting which pretty well personified what I’ve been fighting with. The skit was about wanting to let God have control over our lives but always finding ourselves in the driver’s seat.

I was so thankful that they went into a worship service when the skit was over because I was ready to cry my eyes out. But even after praying all night, I still felt like I hadn’t completely given it all to God.

I had been praying for answers, for God’s guidance and for Him to let me know that He was in control. I think, like many times, it was doubt that was holding me back. For some strange reason, I doubted that God would actually take control if I gave it to Him. I was afraid that if I gave up, then no one would be in control. I was afraid I’d just be drifting along with no direction.

By Saturday I came to the point where it didn’t matter what the answer would be, I just wanted to know that He had control.. “I would take ‘no’ for an answer just to know I heard You speak.” And I wasn’t expecting Him to answer with a booming voice or anything huge like that.. I wasn’t “looking for burning bushes or some divine graffiti to appear..” I was just “begging you for you wisdom”.  Little did I know what God had up His sleeve…

At one point on Saturday I thought the service was over but everyone went back to their seats and the service continued. I’m driven to tears just thinking about this next bit… Sister Krista Perry got up and said how she felt very strongly that God wanted her to do something in a specific way, something a little out of the ordinary,  for the purpose of relaying a message to everyone… She stepped up onto the pew (this is giving me chills thinkin about it) and said:

“What the Lord has asked me to tell you people, is that God can do anything with anything!.. God can do anything with anything! Any situation that you have, whether it is your fault, whether you have been thrown into it, whether it is by your choice or whether it is not by your choice, God can take anything that you have and make it anything that He wants it to be! He can take care of it! All these things that have been said about being used by Jesus and you say “I don’t think I can do it, I’m not there”, if you’ve got bitterness you can have peace! If you’ve got something in your heart, He can take it and give you joy! Wherever you’re going, He can take anything and make it anything! Anything that you got! He can take it and change it into anything! God can do anything with anything you’ve got!

http://fgclr.com/home/?p=615#more-615 click on the 08-01-09 Day Service part 3 of 3 and Sister Krista got up about a third of the way through.

Before she was even done relaying the message the church was filled with shouts of praise and everyone was slain in the Spirit. I ended up having to sit down cause I could hardly stand. And then, while everyone continued to pray, a man got up and encouraged everyone by saying stuff like “Do you know what you have?! Do you know the power of the vision that’s been given to you?! This is God! This is the power of God! Don’t leave here the same!” I can say with out a doubt, that I did not leave there the same, I felt like I had spiritually lost weight lol because my burdens were lighter.

I felt like in tongues I kept repeating “surrender” over and over. As I prayed to surrender, a scene from “Bruce Almighty” came to mind. The part where Bruce finally decides that he can’t be god and says “You win! I’m done! Please! I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to be god. I want you to decide whats right for me! I surrender to Your will!!”

So I finally broke, I finally reached the point that I had been trying to get to, complete surrender. And I was no longer afraid of it, I had faith that He was going to take control. I didn’t know when or how I would get my answers but I knew I was in His hands, I just gave it all to Him. Much to my surprise, God gave me confirmation before the service was even over. I had surrendered and felt peace about it, but God, wonderful as he is, took it a step further and gave me complete confirmation. He let me know with out a doubt that He was in control and guiding me.

Parallel to all of this is the song and scriptures that have been on my mind, starting with a storm but finding peace in knowing that He is in control of the wind…

My boat of life sails on a stormy sea, Ever there’s a wind in my sail,

-Mat. 14:24 The boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear.
Mk. 4:37 And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. And they woke Him and said to Him, “Master, do you not care that we are perishing?”

But I have a friend and He watches over me
When the breeze turns into a gale.

I know the Master of the wind,
And I know the Maker of the rain.
He can calm the storms, make the sun shine again.
I know the Master of the wind.

-Mat. 14:27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
-Mk. 4:39 And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!“ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

Sometimes I soar like an eagle to the sky
Among the peaks my soul can be found.
But an unexpected storm may drive me from my heights,
It can bring me low, but it never brings me down.

-Isa. 40:30-31 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall; but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.

-1 Cor. 10:13 (Amplified) But God is faithful (to His Word and to His compassionate nature), and He (can be trusted) not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation (or trial) He will always also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.

-Ps. 18:30 As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is proved; He is a buckler to all those that trust in Him.

18:32-33 It is God that equips me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like hinds’ feet, and sets me upon my high places.

-Phil. 4:6 Fret not about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.

4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve listened to Casting Crowns, and for some reason today I decided to listen to these two songs..

The first one really got me to thinking about how it’s so easy to be lukewarm without even realizing it. Over the past couple months every now and then my mind keeps thinking of the story of Peter walking on the water. I could go into depth about what I got out of it personally but basically it’s about faith. It’s about not paying attention to the waves around you and trusting that the Lord will walk with you and carry you through. So anyways, this song addresses what I probably struggle with the most, trusting in God’s plans. All throughout the song it talks about trading our plans for God’s, and not having faith in our own but in His. It’s about stepping out of the boat onto the crashing waves, moving out into the deep end where we can’t reach the bottom anymore and life is a deep abyss.. a place where complete faith is required for each step.

To me the second song is kind of a response to the first. You realize the lukewarmness. When I listened to this song today the word that came to mind was recommitment.

Ok here’s the scoop.  Just as much as Yanni is the soundtrack to Italy (and anywhere else that I may travel in the Mediterranean someday) so is Swing Out Sister and Seal to London. I really wanted to use one of them for the music to my London slideshows. But unfortunately Youtube is funny about copyright infringement and I couldn’t use either of them. So I ended up just choosing one of the AudioSwaps from Youtube. I would have picked a song that goes better with the London vibe (like something rock or pop) but they didn’t have a very good selection.

The song is something from Handel’s Water Music (eh don’t let that scare you away, it’s not that bad). The first thirteen photos are of Germany, towards the end there are a few of Cambridge mixed in, the last one is the Atlantic Ocean and the rest are London. Oh, and all of these are from February ‘08.

Now to make up for that….. I was going to post Am I the Same Girl by Swing Out Sister but the video to Breakout is so hilariously British =D (you have to copy and post the link cause it was blocked from being embeded… gosh)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q99GdBdX4u4

I had to choose a different song, this one is Until the Last Moment

I hope this makes up for not blogging about Rome last year. Believe it or not I actually still have a draft on here called “Magnificent: The Eternal City”, but I never posted it because I felt like it was missing something. So instead of trying to tell you about Rome I’ll show it to you.

Music: first video- Unico Amore (Only Love) by Yanni, sung by Nathan Pacheco, second video- Vivi Il Tuo Sogna (Live Your Dreams) by Yanni, sung by Nathan Pacheco, and Face in the Photograph… also by Yanni

……….Grrrrr for some cruel reason youtube dropped the audio on the second video when it gets to Face in the Photograph! But it’s 6:00 in the morning so I’m not going to fix it right now. Hope it doesn’t ruin the vibe for you. I’ll fix it later and re-post it.

…….and nevermind, I’ll post the other video after I fix it.

The perfectionist in me is becoming very unhappy with this post. I’ve been having technical difficulties all night.

What could be more exciting to a Jane Austen fan than to visit the county where her most beloved book took place? The Bennet family resided in Hertford, Hertfordshire and I had the great pleasure of staying in Hatfield for part of our holiday. Hatfield is a lovely town just 7 miles from Hertford.

The train ride from London to Hatfield is such a picturesque one. As a fan, a writer, and a fellow lover of England it was quite an experience to see the countryside that Jane wrote about and loved so much. Riding from London to Hatfield was like traveling back in time. I felt as if I were taken back to the 1800’s. And as I sat staring out the window of the train I imagined that at any moment I would steal a glimpse of Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley riding their steeds over the green English hills.

Hatfield was not only inspiring because of its role in literature but also for its Historical significance.  In order to tell you why Hatfield was so special to me for its Historical significance I must tell you about a book I read a long time ago. Sometime between the ages of 8 and 10 I read a somewhat fictional diary of Elizabeth I. It was based on true facts but written to interest younger girls. Since then Elizabeth I has been one of my favorite historical figures to study about.

Now back to Hatfield… On the same property as Hatfield House, there also stands the remnants of the Old Palace, formerly called Hatfield Palace. It was the Old Palace that Henry VIII used as a home and school for his children, Mary, Elizabeth and Edward. Elizabeth spent much of her childhood at Hatfield and also lived there later in life during the reign of her sister Mary. Elizabeth was at the Old Palace when news was brought to her of her sister’s death, in other words, that she was the new queen.

….Ok let me try to make the rest of the story short.. In 1607 King James I traded the Old Palace and grounds to Robert Cecil (later the 1st Earl of Salisbury) and it was Cecil who built the beautiful Hatfield House. Construction was completed in 1611 and unfortunately Cecil died in 1612. Hatfield House continued to be the home of Robert Cecil’s descendants, and has remained such for the past 400 years.

I was very disappointed when I was told that pictures were not allowed to be taken inside the house. It was so frustrating to see such beautiful things but not able to capture them. The library was a highlight… of the whole trip. It wasn’t nearly as big as the library on Beauty and the Beast but it didn’t have to be. There was something about it that made it so perfect, the latters, the woodwork, the style of the furniture, perfect reading chairs, and of course the some 10,000 books it contains.

For more details about Hatfield House and for pictures visit

http://www.hatfield-house.co.uk/

People are more important than places, that’s why it’s more shattering to part with them…

Bartley.. no that’s not it.. Brompton… Bennet… Brighton… Barnet! That’s it! Barnet is the name of the borough that I can never remember. If one were to travel to Barnet they would find a lovely church there. A Holy Ghost filled, Spirit led, gospel church. I was so blessed by the work that God is doing in London through Jonathan and Bridget. I felt right at home all the way over in Hatfield, Barnet, and also at the prayer meeting in Croyden.

I had such a wonderful time with Jonathan and Bridget and their kiddos. From the very beginning of our time with them I felt like I was with family, as if I had known them my whole life. I really enjoyed our late night doctrinal discussion our first night there They both said “some good things” that really helped me, I wish I would’ve taken notes… (they actually said a lot of good things, but that phrase “some good things” is an inside joke   ) I have a terrible memory and unless I write something down I can’t remember exactly what was said. But I remember at one point I could’ve cried cause of something Jonathan said that spoke right to my heart, and was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. I so appreciated their words of encouragement.  Over the course of the time that I’ve been able to spend with them I feel like we’ve built a trust and a bond that will never be broken.

Last year I teared up when we left because I was sad to be leaving Europe. This time not only once again was I sad to be leaving Europe, but I cried because I was parting with family.

…………*gasp* I still haven’t written about Greenwich!…………

While browsing the web for pictures of historical sites in Nashville, I came across a website that has a compilation of pictures of historical Nashville homes.

Gosh it seems like forever since my last post. I had this crazy notion cross my mind recently about deleting my blog since its desolate and I probably have like no audience left, and then I thought hey because of that I can chatter on and on about whatever kind of nonsense I want. . . yeah right.

So this afternoon when I came to have a look at my electronic journal for the first time in a long time, I was inspired. I reread my post about the first part of our holiday to Europe and decided I should pick up where I left off. . . even if it does seem like my words are just drifting off into cyber space.

Ok. .  *sits back, stretches, extends arms forward and pops knuckles* let me see now. . Oh yes, Paris . . .

For years I’ve heard people say how awful Paris is, how its dirty and stinky and how rude the people are. So let me start this narration by saying that all of that… not true! I don’t know what those people were talking about when they contaminated me with such preconceived ideas, maybe they were referring to Paris, Tennessee. The only place where this could have been slightly true about Paris was in a couple places in the Metro, but come on, what do you expect when you’re underground?

In spite of all the bad I had heard about Paris, I was still drawn to it and wanted to find out for myself. I had read so many articles and seen so many travel shows that all had wonderful things to say about Paris, how could these few rumors be true? So I traveled to Europe to prove some people wrong lol not really… (I knew in my heart all along that they were wrong).

Paris was the most charming city I’ve ever been to. The best way I can describe Paris would be to say that in some ways it’s like London and Rome put together. In architecture it was very much a mix of the two. Paris has an older feel to it like Rome but also has the charm and elegance like that of London.

Walking the streets of Paris was like walking through the pages of an old History book, but that can also be said of most European cities. The uniqueness of Paris though is that it has a chic feel to it. That’s the word! If I had to describe Paris in about two words I’d say its chicly Historical.

Something else that’s unique about Paris is that its the famous “city of love”. The whole time we were there I was humming La Vie en Rose.  Ok girls, you know that uncontrollable and overwhelmingly giddy feeling that comes over us when we spot a cute guy, watch a chick flick or sing songs from the movie ‘Oklahoma’? (Mel knows what I’m talkin’ about) Well that’s how Paris made me feel. And no, surprisingly, believe it or not, I’m not referring to the gents walking the streets. Just looking up at the Eiffel Tower gave me that feeling. It was crazy, I don’t know what it was, it was like I had that butterfly twitterpated feeling… but for a city, weird I know.

At one point as I stood gazing up at the Eiffel Tower I promised myself that I would be back someday. I would return to the very spot where I was standing at that moment and I’d be wearing a beret, I’d have a beau to kiss and I’d have a camera with a charged battery (I threw that into the promise cause I forgot my charger in London).

Paris was simply, chicly and breathtakingly. . magical. Its a city with a spark. Like fireworks.

My ‘word count’ tells me that I’m already up to 640 words. Normally I would cut it off here cause I don’t want to scare people off with an extremely long post but hey, what the heck, I’m feeling inspired, I think I’ll continue. . .

Versailles *said with a big smile*. The Chateau de Versailles was amazing. . breathtaking. . outstanding. . It’s the kind of place that upon seeing it you stop dead in your tracks, your jaw drops, you become paralyzed as you stand there trying to take it all in, and it leaves you utterly flabbergasted, astonished and speechless. At this point all I could say was “whoa”. Once the paralyzed phase was over you would’ve thought I had seen George Clooney walk by.. all I could do was laugh and jump and say “Oh. .my. .gosh”.

The Chateau was inspiringly rich with History. As I walked through the courtyard I was digging out all the files in my mind of all the things I’d ever read that took place there. The first thing I thought of was my friend Alexandre Dumas. I pictured scenes from his novels The Three Musketeers and The Man in the Iron Mask. Then my mind went to the nonfiction file and I thought of the king who built the palace, King Louis XIV. I tried to remember as much French history as possible. I thought of Napoleon, Marie Antionette and the French Revolution.

I was dumbfounded by it’s grandeur and amazed at the beautiful ornate details. I would say hands down that the Chateau de Versailles definitely beats the Vatican.

I’d like to continue but its late, so once again I’ll have to save the rest for another post.

Au revoir!

On April 28, 09 I set sail and embarked on another journey. I arrived in London in the early morning hours of the 29th. After we went to the hotel to have breakfast and get freshened up, the first place I wanted to visit was Stamford Bridge. It was a beautiful stadium. I wish they would have let us in to see the pitch, but no you have to take the tour to see inside. Oh well, so we shopped at the Chelsea FC Megastore before heading off to find a park.

I decided to take the tube to High Street Kensington cause it didn’t look like it was very far from Kensington Park…but it was. It was about a five minute walk. So when we got the park instead of walking around and admiring the greenery we crashed on a park bench. By this time we had been up for 24 hours and had walked a few miles. So mom fell asleep and I read Northanger Abby and guarded the backpacks. After resting for a while we decided to walk further into the park. Sitting by the pond were two nice old ladies that let us share the bench with them and we had a lovely conversation.

On our way back to the hotel we got three Pastys, one for mom and two for me : ) By the time we got back to the room it was only somewhere between 5 and 6. We were dying, I had been ready to crash since 2! So I watched Columbo and tried to keep my eyes open for as long as I could.

Thursday on our way to the Library we decided to pop into Harrods and say hello to Bridget. I was so happy to see her that I could have cried. While there, mom played a $150,000 piano, and I bought a guitar pick just to get a bag that said Harrods on it.

After that, we headed to the Library so I could by a new journal to be the home of the written version of the next chapter in my life. Then on the way back to the underground we found a pub with great fish n chips. While there we had a nice chat with a local who told us about an awesome store on Oxford St. So we decided to go there next… word of the wise- never go to the Primark on Oxford St in the afternoon. It was worse than Disneyland on the biggest holiday of the year, or the grocery store the night before Thanksgiving when everyone is out at the same time buying their pickles and olives. (Ironically, later that night we discovered that there was a Primark on the same street as our hotel, and it was much less crowded.)

After barely making it out of Primark alive we spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in Hyde Park eating Caramel Slices and watching the locals play football (aka soccer in the US).

Most of the day Friday was spent shopping. And once we had wore ourselves out we found a West Cornwall Pasty and ate it in The Rose Garden at Hyde Park. It was a lovely setting with wooden benches surrounded by flowers and vines.

Friday night we took a bus ride through central London. Even though it was just a bus ride I enjoyed it so much. We drove through parts of London we hadn’t been before and ended up in a very familiar place. London by night is so beautiful with all of the building spotlights reflecting on the river.

On Saturday we joined up with our dear friends. We met Bridget at Harrods with all of our luggage, it was quite a site. So then we began our journey North with three heavy suitcases plus our hand bags. Crossed busy streets while lugging our cases and bags, mom stepped on glass, lots and lots of stairs, heated tunnels and trains in the underground crowded with the evening rush, it was quite an experience.

This was the first half of the holiday, I’ll save Paris and Hatfield for its own post : )

The video isn’t very impressive but I absolutely love this song!… Oh my gosh, I never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth while referring to a Miley Cyrus song. But really, its a great song. I could expound and say why I like it and what it means to me but… it speaks for itself.